As I struggle with the fact that I am losing my mom, I realize I'm a basket of emotions. I'm angry, really angry...like I think I need to find a healthy way to expend the anger so it doesn't consume me. I sat trying to figure out why I was so angry...everyone else in my family seems more upset then angry. Then it hit me...I'm angry because I feel cheated!
On my moms side of the family the women tend to live long lives....surpassing spouses and sometimes children. In 1994 for example we had 6 generations of women. In 1995, when my daughter was born we had 5.
I feel cheated. I want more time!
My best friend said today "you could have 1000 years and you would still want more time". That is the truth.
Don't get me wrong, I do not want my mom to suffer. She is at peace with the path she's on, and I'm along for the ride.
I am angry and I feel unbelievably cheated. I love her unconditionally.