Death & Dying

I took a class in college called Death & Dying, or something like that. It feels like a million years or at least a lifetime ago. The professor talked about how death is a natural part of the life cycle and how it is one thing in life we will all experience. He also talked about how the hardest deaths to deal with would be that of a parent, a child or a spouse (significant other).

At the time I was a new mom, had a set of parents and a significant other. I remember thinking how difficult it would be to lose any of them. Oi vey, I couldn't even bare to think about it let alone discuss it with near strangers.

One of the discussions was in theory if you had the choice between your loved one dying unexpectedly or expectedly, which would you choose?

I remember thinking about it and since I had to choose one or the other I chose expectedly.  I figured I would want to know that they would be dying. I thought that would be easier. That way I would have time to spend and the opportunity to say whatever I felt needed to be said.

Well, some years later....I want to kick myself for thinking it would be easier.  

Knowing that your loved one is dying and there is nothing you can do....SUCKS!

Watching your loved one go from a feisty, strong and independent person to one that can't walk down a hall with out being winded....SUCKS!

Sure I get to say all the things I think I need to say. And I do get time, that an unexpected death would not afford.  But I also get to see pain and suffering. The body shutting down slowly and my loved one giving up the fight!

Quite honestly....it SUCKS!

Pictured is not my dying loved one, but it is their favorite flower.

Basically for me dealing with the dying process is a roller coaster ride. One minute I'm ok and want my loved ones suffering to end.  The next I'm angry as all get out and want to scream and yell.

I was told recently that once your loved one passes, no amount of crying will bring them back.  So make sure you love them while they're here.  I COMPLETELY agree with this. 

However, it still SUCKS!!